Fresh ice

Lets just take this bit apart...

living things... things that want to live, curiosity.. should i even be here, this wasnt meant for this... this is all new here.

Look at it....look at it ignore the reason we are here... look around you silly thing! LOOK AORUND

And we are making noises in my ears... we are making ripples in my head.... we are maing everything... i may need you..

need you more than i ever thought i did... i need you do the most important things for me..

and nobody else...

they quack

i click

they quack

i click

i ignore

i dont want to

i need you


sing

is this how M. Monet felt?


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All This....

And so i am looking onto you, my teples reflect this new yet very old way of being... i am not inside, i am looking in, and the things that disrupt you move too and fro.. one more and we would have unity again. One more and peace would have peace. Lights in my temples... i want to know what it is like... i want to control you and understand.. then i could visit where i want to be... these fireworks would exist n reality and in fantasy... with this i could have one more minute.. however false... however real..

Joined at the hip i will wait and wait for the right time to save this... save everything.. you crackle a little... and hop along... who was that? i dont know if i looked or not. Its got to be you on that edge.. You sent it to me, that which i could not find, and its rythms so familiar sound so much sweeter from the place i wish to visit...



visit... is that what it has become now? Temporary.... not normal.... different....foreign... dissimillar.. strange.... you may not have balance....not.... nothing.... you may have little in the way of structure , that of trust or shame....u have nothing... but i want it just as much as heavy air.

hearing it....not seeing it.. thinking it...not feeling it.



waiting

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An idea for why i am here...

The lack of symmetry is in the detail I feel. Since I have arrived here I have taken an interest, for whatever reason, in the inherent symmetry of Paris. Baron Haussmann’s design for a modern Paris, one of massive endless vistas and the unification of major centres of the city with the various symbols of Paris has carved into the fluidity of natural human organisation an inescapable symmetry. This is the sort of grandeur, the sort of order that is non-existent in my mind… a sort of planned brilliance that gnaws at the electrical pathways in my brain. I was made for far more disjointed places… far more natural places… far more chance. It’s not that I dislike this quality of Paris… in fact I think it is one of the most beautiful things about it. This is why we come here. This is why the world has been fascinated by the city for so long. The intention was to create grandeur, create an empire worth fighting for, a stamp so great on the face of the earth that generations for years to come would flock to it just to say that they had been there… This is a unity on a grand scale… something created to please the eyes of man… but as I begin to seek out a place for my asymmetrical brain in this symmetrical maze I am beginning to realise that man himself is this cities most asymmetrical enemy.

Why am I so interested in all of this? Why am I so concerned with this order? Well I can only imagine that as a person so used to medieval structure with Georgian highlights suddenly encased within a world so dominated by order and balance, my uncoordinated brain has repulsed the invasive French facade that now surrounds me… and what has resulted is this ramble and perhaps the concentration of my work for time to come.

I have noticed you see, that while symmetry is so evident here in everything we glance at, it is when we look closer that we find an asymmetry within. I think it is in the detail… Now I could be wrong! But I want to find out if I am or not and this is going to take time. Let me insist that this is not going to be an attempt at ruining the supposed beauty of Paris! I feel that while we may think the beauty is in the symmetry, it is in fact in the unknown asymmetry. The most beautiful human faces are plastered all over our news papers, magazines and billboards yet no human face is even close to symmetrical… if one was to see a perfectly symmetrical face it would seem weird without ever understanding why. So the asymmetry I am looking for is more for my piece of mind rather than for my hate of Parisian city planning. So I am going to look closer… I am going to point my lens in new directions and try and find the roots of Paris’ beauty.

One thing that I feel is the most destructive of Paris’ symmetry is the presence of man. If it was possible to rid Paris of everyone but one single occupant, to that persons eye the symmetry would be untarnished. Yet the presence of even one more person unbalances the picture, and tips the scales towards disorder and mayhem. When we try to take a picture in the Touillerie Gardens everything must be central, everyone in the picture must be central… or else our eyes feel strained and our minds are stretched. Yet today people, little black smudges, speckle disorder across the Parisian canvas and unbalance the picture. Only in an ordered, totalitarian state can I imagine the power required to harness man in such a way as to maintain the symmetry of a place which includes multiples of people… we destroy the very thing we want to see, just by being there!

I want to use this disorder, I want to expose it and feed off it. I want to live inside it and bring to attention its incredible beauty and uniqueness.

I want to see the asymmetry of Paris.

This is what I’m thinking.


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There was Definitely no way around it...

Have you sorted that out yet? i didn't think so... and now here i am wishing i had it in my hands to profess my brilliance! Alas...you are late, again, nothing ever changes i guess. Do we need to rationalise this.. the street outside is busy when it wants to be... the sun is shining when it wants to be... i dont feel like i can say... "oooo there is that weather again!" as if i know what i am talking about Yet another new thing...seems to be the new thing these days....new things....



Even thought many THINGS are the same... it just doesnt make that much of an impression...



..ehm could you speak slower?... i mean .... could you spell that out.. i dropped mine..



And so another adventure into the sticky mess.. its a very symmetrical sticky mess here... im impressed actually! no more conflicting views and interrupted vistas...the city has taken care of that with one fowl haussmanian sweep... my mind will continue the disjointed conflictions...



...like that...like this...this..that..like ike....like IKE...



And again



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New Black rimmed automiotive junction headings...dont let me break you in two... im working on making you magnificent!

...and so it happened.. Where do i break the ties holding onto all those youthful thoughts that rim the hearts of home.. kings of my mind, the things that keep me straight. i sit at your table and ask for anything that will make this work... anything that is required at this time...yes...all....nearly everything.. and in the home we have a hole developing and in the new home holes will be vacated and filled... point that lens in new directions, point it to new people and stones and walls that have not yet been introduced...my mind invents the scenes, invents the places and the people... my mind likes to take control and invent this stuff... i'm not going to lie mdear it isn't going to be a walk in the park but today everything is that bit easier...



you guys always knew how to hit it hard on a good note...on a resonant note,, on a good note.. you know it! you can feel it! yes you can



your words were so honest , that's true my man, the new home for you is indeed honest and trust worthy...you have nothing left to fear now except the gratification of others and myself... your new home is solid and your new way of thinking is spacious...



and now we fall into the daze of a new place..


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Then there was a limit

Lots and lots of little bits, the bits i put down and took apart and the bits i forgot about. The lines here and there... they bring me back to time when i was only pushing at the walls...feeling their texture on my fingers...wondering if they will move at all.. wondering how far i could push this, how far i could grow...of course then there was a limit...set by those who had our best interests at heart...but now...now things are different and i must hold myself back from punching holes in the sides...from pushing too hard... from breaking the limits...

but if i want to succeed i need to break the walls... yet i make myself stop...yet i think it over and over...

another one banged out..hard edges harsh...cold... tired, fed up with all the fuss... fed up with all the questions and ignorance.. fed up of all the silence.. done with all the noise... a good loud one was needed... and now its done

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